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You Know You're a Bitter -Ass -Tory-Hating Nutcase Extreme Arrowhead IF...



For entertainment purposes only! I assume no responsibility for the life, limb, mental state or criminal record of any lame-ass who actually pulls this crap, OK?
  1. You build little replicas of the Arrow in your mashed potatoes and then can't bring yourself to eat them
  2. You get a portrait of RL - 201 tatooed on your back (or some other part of you)
  3. Even Jim Floyd would tell you to leave him alone and get a life.
  4. On your trip to Toronto you cause a sensation when you board the Malton bus with a sifting box,  archeologist's tools and a metal detector
  5. You giggle maniacally as you rubber-stamp John Diefenbaker's likeness on rolls of toilet paper
  6. You get the bends from too many dives to the bottom of Lake Ontario and the dive shop won't refill your tanks until you get better, dammit!
  7. You think your dog is the reincarnation of Crawford Gordon
  8. You have a white car. You have painted it with RCAF roundels, dayglo patches and anti-glare  black on the hood.
  9. You nominate February 20th as National Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth Day (alternate suggestions: National Drunk-Off-Your-Ass Day, National Golden-Showers-On-Diefy's-Grave Day, Opening Day of Tory Season, etc.)
  10. Palmiro Campangna and Grieg Stewart call the police on you for obsessively stalking them
  11. You try to get the destruction site declared a murder scene. Security catches you attempting to draw several delta-winged chalk outlines on the tarmac
  12. You start a campaign to get the infamous "Death Row" pic declared NC-17 and cover your children's eyes when you go to the back-room restoration area of the aviation museum in Ottawa
  13. You think "Oh God! They killed Kenny!" is a arcane coded reference to Black Friday (obligatory trendy South Park joke. So bite me.)
  14. You think ICBMs suck
  15. You kick bulldogs because they remind you of Diefy. Pull a Son-of-Sam defense if the Humane Society protests.
  16. Americans piss you off (fine thing to be saying when this site is running on a Texas server, BTW)
  17. You always drag around a dog-eared copy of the Arrowhead book for the express purpose of telling everyone else more than they ever wanted to know about it
  18. You engage Karen Finley (notorious performance artist; punch up her name on the web and find out exactly what she's notorious for) to do interesting things with a BOMARC missile on Parliament Hill (wave enough $$$$ in front of her and tell her it's to express Woman's rage at patriarchal phallic symbols and she'll probably go for it)
  19. You choose to watch "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" rather than the closing scenes of "The Arrow" because the latter are too painful to view. Aside from that, the only new thing you learned from this miniseries is how much weight Dan Ackroyd packed on in five years
  20. Tories cross a four-lane highway at rush hour to avoid you
  21. You date somebody because their last name is Zurakowski
  22. You contemplated suicide because you had to  attend John Diefenbaker Secondary School as a kid
  23. You have a phobia about blowtorches and Skilsaws
  24. You rewrite Don MacLean's classic song "The Day the Music Died" to refer to the Arrow (o/~ But February made me shiver/ with every paper I delivered/ Bad news on the doorstep/ I couldn't take one more step... o/~)
  25. You drive all the way to Diefy's childhood home just to do loud, obnoxious, brakes-squealing donuts in front of it at the height of tourist season
  26. You hack into the PC Party web site and leave lots of kiddie porn, recipes for home explosives and Space Moose comic strips
  27. You stand in front of the venue of the latest PC party convention with a delegates' badge and try to hand out Jack Chick comic tracts to passerby, whilst staring into space and mumbling to yourself a lot. Even better: Gran'pa Jack tracts to piss off the politically correct  anti-gun crowd!
  28. If you live in Quebec, you tip off the Hell's Angels that the local PC Headquarters is a Rock Machine clubhouse. You then go to the Rock Machine and tip them off that it's a Hell's Angels clubhouse. You stand back and enjoy the pyrotechnics.
  29. You trash the F-106 and F-108 in front of all your friends (those still sticking with you after you're bailed out of jail for the umpteenth time)
  30. You hold a massive rally in front of CRTC headquarters (that's our equivalent of the FCC for you damn Yanks :)).  You invite Howard Stern.
  31. You lovingly clean your Colt AR-15 on the steps of Parliament Hill. Hey, you're just cleaning it!
  32.  
    Thanks to Glenn Munro for contributing some outstanding suggestions!

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